if i was your woman

I think it was the hardest letter i've had to write in quite some time. having to recall the details of a heart break and relay them to someone else for the sake of yourself is never easy and there's only so much you can do to try and make a complete stranger understand what it was that you were really going through to have you at such a low point in time. i'm just hoping some sympathy is given because i know what i would have to do but it would be another kick to the knees.

he told me that i can only remember the best of the friendship we had and go on with that because i can't really be mad at other peoples choices when its mistakes they want to take. but it does suck that you can put your trust and effort into someone who you feel took advantage of that. and i'm definitely one of those girls who sits back and tries to think about what i did wrong to make someone feel that had to do what they did. but at this point i'm too out of negative energy to give it a shot. it just doesn't matter to me anymore and i really can say i did what i could to be a good friend. i'm an honest person and i will never change that. if someone can't handle it then they probably were only meant for that period of time and i can only take that as it is.

he told me he is starting to believe commitment might balance out different parts of his life. it made me think about how when i was little i used to believe that the only way boys could ask you to be their girlfriend was with a ring pop in a ring box. the day a guy does that for me is the day i fall head over heels. i'm sure it might never happen but it would still completely be the day i fall head over heels. i guess i can keep hoping. makes it worth believing that even if you don't know my name you're still trying to find me. and even if you know my name you might not know me. i am exactly who i am inside and out all the time and if you realize that's what you what. if this is where you find happiness. then i can only be happy that i found someone who laughs when i say random things. or smiles when i say something stupid because i don't realize whats going on. or feels something when you hold on my hand. or hears a love song and automatically thinks of me. because then all this heart break. all this pain. and all these experiences would be alright as long as they got me closer to you.