oh please please please

let me just have my way because God knows it'll be the first time.

if hope was my major i would have a PhD by now. she calls me out for smiling and somehow someway i keep denying myself that much. and he tells me i can't quit what i haven't tried and i need to stop pretending that these feelings aren't real just so i can keep on believing i don't care. but bottom line is i care so much. i don't know if its my fear of being completely twisted in this. because this is the first time i've ever felt like i keep slamming my face into a wall. and i know how to stop and i know its completely possible to stop but i just don't want to. the keyword being: want. i don't want to stop because somehow it hurts so good. everything about it hurts so good. because even when my questions are answered and i can appreciate the honesty i still find myself dissatisfied. i don't know if its because i'm still in this limbo where even though i'm trying to find someone to distract me i just can't becuase you're always right behind me. and although i want so badly just have something with someone, the connection between us is too strong for me to have it with anyone else right now. trust me i've looked. and its all the same. it all comes up to the same end. and i know maybe i'm not trying or i just don't care. but isn't that the point?

becaues i let myself go in the hope that tonight won't be the last time you tell me that there could be a one day when you want only me. just me. just us. and although i feel naive hoping for something that could never happen. i can't stop myself. because it just seems like something so right to hope for. and although i could be completely wrong and childish to hope for such things i know when it all comes down to it, i'll never regret it. and i guess that's where the importance lays. because my heart just seems to tell me so. when i am who i am and i can still get the seal of approval. i think that has to say something and i realize she's right that we are both cracking underneath it all and that eventually we're both just going to crack not able to take the hiding or holding back anymore. i told her knowing us we would end up cracking at the same time. because these surprises won't end. and every way we turn we are only going to keep amazing each other more and more eventually i can only hope it just gives way.

because this smile feels so good. so please. don't you let me go tonight, because i don't know if i would be there tomorrow.