does waiting make us better people?

She had told me it woudn't be a good idea. and i knew it wouldn't. but that night when he grabbed my face and kissed me, i knew it was trouble. nothing serious. and i knew it shouldn't have happened. there were things and thoughts in my head that had me hesitating what i should do. but i couldn't help the attraction and although i really wish i could have. i just couldn't fight it.

he sent me the text to come over and have a drink and i asked if there was party. he said not really but people were coming over to hang out and have a few drinks. i told him i wouldn't be there till later and he asked me what time like he was going to be waiting for me to walk through the door when the clock struck 11. i was an hour late and had a hell of a time driving around and looking for a spot to park. finally i did and i wasn't prepared. the girls were dressed in heels and sexy clothes. i walked in with jeans and a garfield t-shirt with some flats. but the smile he gave me when he saw me walk through the door had me not caring i wasn't dressed cuter. because they were not okay when he went to get me a drink and posted up next to me on the couch for the rest of the night. i mingled with his friends and neighbors and it was so much fun. i got along with all of them. we made a late night adventure to a local bar and were just giggles all around. i was drinking beer and had no idea how i did it. we were talking like we usually do but i think we both know what was going on. we both were close. I felt a little excited because i never thought anything like this would be possible with him. it never crossed my mind until that night he told me he had crossed his more than a few times.

we walked back to his place in the rain. more jokes with his friends and then we decided to do something crazy. we walk through the wind and rain to the sand. make our way to the water. and break into a run into the water. laughing and freezing it was so exhilarating and exciting. we both couldn't believe it was happening but really happy it did. we went back to his place and cleaned up. laid down and talked. laughing. and really just having a good time. we teased each other until i turned over and then his hands were on my skin and i couldn't stop myself like i had planned to. his lips were just what i needed in that moment. and it didn't take much to get have us entangled in each other. i was surprised at what was going on. i didn't ever think these things would happen with him. and i don't regret the excitement of it. he cuddled with me after and we fell asleep in the comfort of the warmth.

i have no idea what i was thinking. but. there's no taking it back now. and i don't know if i would. she tells me i need to let him come to me. but time is running out. i think he knows that. he tries to appeal to me with tales of visiting me and moving to new york within the next 2 years. i don't put my hope in it because i know it sucks that i could see myself being with him and knowing i just can't. so i have to let it go. because...i just should. although i really really don't want to. i want his hands on my body one more time. but i'm not going to go there. daydreaming is dangerous.