don't play no game that i can't win.

back in the thick of it. how do i keep getting myself back here? i need to chill and i thnk today i might have finally done that. and tomorrow i'll be even closer. it was all nice and we had a good time. he picked me up and i liked his car. i was a little unimpressed with his suggestions but hey, he's a guys guy. whatever. the dinner was still nice and he was definitely a gentleman. we joked, we laughed. like i said i had a good time. we left and tried to get dessert somewhere else but the wait was intense. but it was okay because we got more time to talk and it came naturally. the conversations were fun and i started finding myself actually really liking the guy.

and then i had to step back. like 10 steps back. because there were 3 rule breakers i found and when i told her she told me i was right. but it still makes me want it more. and i need to stop because we both know i'm leaving and this isn't anything serious. so he dropped me off. ended the date with a memorable last line i swear i'll never forget. and i went on my way. but then he told me he had a good time and he wanted to hang out with me. and again for that matter. and then i found myself stepping forward again. so i let it go the next day. followed the standard rules and lost hope until 10 came around and i had the girls in my car. she was sitting next to me bringing him up and at the moment she said his name there he was on my phone like he waited for the right moment and i felt my heart jump a little. but then drop again when i couldn't read him. the next day came and nothing until i made the mistake and again another pass. and i couldn't read him. so i did how i do and just said "forget it" which actually came out of my mouth as a "fuck it".

but then he comes in again and i can't help myself. and what does it matter if its just for fun? what does it matter when it has an expiration date? i just want to get to the fun stuff. i get the gentleman stuff and i appreciate it definitely and i like hanging around him and i think that's really the fun stuff i just want to hang out more and have that fun stuff more often. i think that's it. because it really is...fun. because when he i tell him i know i'm quirky and he says its cute. i just want to be around him all the time. it sounds stupid and girlie. that i just want to be around him because he gave me a compliment. but that's not it at all. its because i just like being around him. and i'm ok with it having an expiration date. its just perfect that way.