"And I know that it's complicated. But i'm a loser in love, so baby, raise a glass to mend all the broken hearts of all my wrecked friends. i'll never talk again, oh boy, you've left me speechless. so speechless and i'll never love again. oh boy, you've left me speechless."


I forgot to completely mention how amazing san fransisco was. too much fun is putting it nicely. I couldn't believe everything was so great despite the rain. it was great to get to go and just kind of let it all go. so relaxing and to be there with friends that really care about me. i am so blessed.

I spent a lot of time working really hard with them on it and to come out and have it be so amazing. i saw the rough draft of my name in print for the first time and it was this incredible feeling. i can't wait to go to the store, pick it up, and bye it on my own. this is the reason things are so incredible now. we went to the show and it was the first time i got to say "i'm on the list" and it seemed so cocky but so cool all at the same time. when i'm getting shout outs from people like him in his interview because he thinks i'm the one transcribing it and i wish i could keep it even though i have to admit i replayed it a few times. and i realize i'm still only in the beginning steps of doing big things. the next couple of months are going to be crazy but i can't wait to see where i end up when i'm getting tickets to her show when i was only hoping just a couple months ago i could have money to get the tickets. its a little crazy. but so exciting. and i can't wait to see what else there is to it.



"For the record, you'll always be a part of me, no matter what you do.
and for the record, can't nobody say i didn't give my all to you.
and for the record, i told you underneath the stars that you belong to me,
for the record, its obvious that we just can't let go of us."


We went and i wasn't expecting anything. like always. i really just wanted to go and hang out with my friends because i said i would. but then i saw him. it was like one of those you see them from across the room moments. we kept looking at each other although i thought it was just me looking at him but then they kept telling me he kept looking at me. I told him to go talk to him for me like the wingman he said he would be but he didn't! i won't forget that and you know who you are! haha but then he told me he would go with me to talk to him since he knew the dude he was talking to. now that's a real wing man and i won't forget you either! haha i really have great guy friends. anyways on with what happened...so he tells me that, "if a pretty girl came up to me and started talking to me i would soooooo be into that. so just go over there and talk to him." of course i was nervous because i've never really done that stuff before but next thing i know i'm standing in front of him and kinda of blurt out, "hi...i'm sorry but i think you're cute and i just had to tell you." and now i'm just laughing at myself. but then he says, "thank you. are you going to be out there long? i'll come find you later." This was because he was actually working. so i told him yes and to come find me when he can. and went back to dancing with my friends. later on i felt his cold hand on my skin on my lower back and i turned and there he was. one of the hottest guys i had seen in a while and as my girlfriends told me. I was just more happy that i got the balls to tell the dude i thought he was cute. and as he said it "now you're one for one and on a roll." as for the rest of the story i'll keep that to the imagination. because all though i am inexplicably explicate in my blog. this one i kind of want to keep for myself. because he was hot, the night was hot, and the chemistry was a lot more than hot. and mmmmmm mmmmmmm good. hahahaha



i'm caught up in possibilities and overwhelmed with positive thoughts of hopes. i feel the feelings of passion and see something greater than myself. to let myself fall by the way side because of another's inability to live and give everything they have will not stop me. he tells me i've always been a force to be reckoned with. to let myself hate you. to let myself grieve for this loss. to let myself ache and pain over this would be a crime to everything that i am. my love was meant for bigger and better things.