on my way home

So I feel like this weekend went crazy and was such a blur. but what fun!

we went walking through like we owned the place because we didn't have to wait in the long line outside. I started realizing how cool it is that i do know this many people to have this many hook ups when they're telling me, "we feel VIP" and i'm not noticing because i'm too focused with making sure we got into the club for free and didn't have to wait in the line. and sure enough it worked out just fine. we walked around and danced and drank and i was having a good time and then i saw him. Good looking from far away, until all of a sudden he was standing right next to me. i went with my friend to go get a drink until i came back and he's grabbing my arm and calling me by my name.

we talked casually and and the normal things unfolded. he asked me for my number and i realize i'm really back in the playing field. and right now i've batted 2 for 2. hopefully i can keep that up but even if i don't i don't think i'd care too much. he tells me he wants to take me to the all star game. and that he wants to definitely hang out and he will talk to me tomorrow. we watch the performance. which was shorter than hoped for but at least it was free. so we leave and head to another place to dance and then another place to just chill and drink. as we're sitting there and they're discussing the fact that i should never have a problem finding anybody. they tell me i'm pretty and have a lot of great qualities and i just happened to find a lot of jerks that couldn't handle all of that. but i don't let their words hit me too deep because i'm not that girl to build myself up in the words of others. i build myself up by doing what i have to do and getting somewhere. and then the phone sang its song.

I look and he's telling me he hopes i get home safe and i put the phone back down thinking i'll reply later. probably when i actually get home. they agree to my decisions and help me with where i might be going wrong. we sit there and they describe to me the ways this could all go wrong. but i'm still sitting there a little bit nervous with a tad of i still don't care and i'm trying to figure out where i really stand in all these confusing places. until i get home and respond and he's already trying to add me in other places. i ignored it and fell asleep until the next day i decided to just go for it. then i get the invite to hang out that night but i tell him i have other plans. which was completely true but he's telling me that, "he's moving really fast, you made some kind of impression on him." but i'm starting to realize i don't really care. all i know is he's at least 6'3" if not taller, a music producer, whole lot of hotness, basketball player that makes me melt. I showed her a picture of him, incidentally shirtless and she literally stopped in her tracks and said i'd be doing women around the world a favor by getting together with him. I know that because looking at him just makes me melt. the music and athletic parts of him are added bonuses. but for now we'll see. he tells me he wants to hang out. but my schedule is so busy lately i hardly have time think so hopefully i can make in some time to hang out with him.

I don't really know what else to say. I'm happy we went to disneyland yesterday and i was able to really start feeling again and it felt so good. it just felt right and i was happy. i was satisfied. It was a great day. I'm glad things are turning around and i'm happy i have my friends to help me through everything. they want me around all the time and although I don't mind spending time by myself its nice to know. I hope for better things again and all in the idea to make them real. i still feel like something is missing and i don't know what that is. but i'm sure that hole will be filled sooner than later.



come home.