just for tonight, let's get lost....

"Would've came back for you. I just needed time to do what i had to do. caught in the life. i can't let it go. whether that's right, i won't ever know. hope you forgive me. never meant wrong. tried to be patient but waited to long. but i would've came back."


I think yesterday was the first day i really felt it. Like i was actually feeling sad. he said its better to feel the pain than be numb. but the numb feeling at least didn't feel like this. sometimes i wonder if that rope still reaches far enough to touch you but thinking about that only makes it worse so i let it go fro now because that's all i can do. you couldn't expect more from me...right? I honestly don't know what else to do but that. i really hope she's right when she always tells me it gets really bad before it gets really good. because i'd really like the really good to come now. i could use some good.



i don't know why my heart went for you. i don't know why my heart couldn't keep itself in check and now i can't keep asking why. i don't have any what if questions. i think all those are answered now. its heart breaking. but what's love without heartbreak? i figure i had to go through this to find someone who really cares about me. at least i'm hoping that's what this was all about. i like to hope for that. to know someone out there sees that the unconventional girl i am is worth keeping around as long as possible. and not just giving me up to find out later it was the right thing. i don't want to be bitter or angry and i know that's what its sounding like now. but i'm not bitter or angry. if anything its sad. really down to the bone sad. but my optimistic side is telling me that now i can look forward to what this means to letting myself go forward and find other things and people to excite my time.

They're taking me to dinner tomorrow to his restaurant. they want to make some kind of love connection. he makes me nervous and i hope he doesn't laugh at me too much for the last time we saw each other. although that will definitely go down in my book for one of my greatest funniest moments. haha priceless just thinking about it. i guess i'll find out tomorrow what will happen with us. if nothing, that's okay. but if something...that would be really great because he's really hot and cooks amazing food! good thing i started going back to the gym today. although the guy that was helping me sign up today was half cuban and when he found out i was cuban i thought he was going to ask me to marry him on the spot. but then i forgot his name and he was pretty bummed about that. oops.

he asked me what i'm doing different because apparently i'm putting out some kind of vibe that has people asking about me. he says "you're really something in this town." i didn't really mean to. all of it was purely unintentional. i don't even notice the things he tells me. and if its true then why haven't i seen it? but they tell me they've heard all about the people who are asking about me. the places they wish i was going so they could see me. the places i wish i was going to but because i would really love to be on a cruise to jamaica or going to texas for music festivals. maybe i can make the latter one happen. or so i hope.

when will i see you again? you left with no real good bye. i know i have a fickle heart and a bitterness and a wandering eye and a heaviness in my head. but don't you remember the reason you loved me before? baby please remember me once more. when was the last time you thought of me? you erased me from your memory. i often think about where i went wrong. i gave you the space so you could breath. and i kept my distance so you could be free. i hope you find the missing piece that brings you back to me. why don't you remember? don't you remember the reason you loved me before? baby please remember you still love me. when will i see you again?

Didn't I give it all? gave you everything i had. didn't i do it right? to let you down. maybe you got too used to having me around. still. how can you walk away? its going to be an empty road but i'm right here. but go on and take it. take it all with you. don't look back at this crumbling fool. just take it all. all my love. take it all. you and my love. nothing gets better than me and this is everythign we need. is it over? is this really it? you're giving up so easily. i thought you loved me more than this. but go on and take it. take it all with you. don't look back at this crumbling fool. take it all with all my love. if only you knew everything i do is for you.

you've been on my mind. God only knows, why its taken me so long to let my doubts go. you're the only one that i want. i don't know why i'm scared. i've been here before. every feeling. every word. i've imagined it all. you'll never know if you never try to forgive your past and simply be mine. i dare you to let me be yours. your one and only. i promise i'm worthy to hold in your arms. so come on and give me the chance to prove i am the one who can walk that mile until the end starts. cause i've been on your mind. you hang on every word i say. will i ever know how it feels to hold you close and have you tell me which ever road i choose you'll go. you'll never know if you never try to forgive your past and simply be mine. i dare you to let me be your one and only. i promise i'm worthy to hold in your arms. so come on and give me the chance to prove i am the one who can walk that mile until the end starts.



i know it ain't easy giving up your heart. i know it ain't easy giving up your heart. i know it ain't easy giving up your heart. i know it ain't easy giving up your heart...nobody's perfect. trust me i've learned it.